How To Breeze Through Your Wedding Banquet Like A Pro
Updated: Jul 21
Everyone thinks doing a wedding banquet is easy. However, after having seen many couples, we know how terrifying it actually is. I think I’m actually going to be terrified for my own wedding. But well… after seeing so many, we’ll be happy to give you some tips and pointers that will help! I now present to you the questions that are on everybody’s minds but everyone is too paiseh to ask until the very day itself. While some of these questions sound redonkulous, these are real questions that are real concerns on the actual day. Come my friends, don’t worry, I’ll answer them here so that you won’t ever have to ask them to your friends.
Haha anyway, here goes.
Pro Tip 1: “How fast should I walk down the aisle?”
Some of you think this question is hilarious but you all don’t laugh ok!!!! One day when its your turn, trust me, I promise you that you will be asking this exact same question too. While I can’t give you the answer in exact km/h , here’s how you can find the speed.
So here’s the trick - actually do a run through. Take a mental note of the lyrics at that point you reach the stage. Tweak your walking to go faster or slower. Do remember that your wife’s maximum speed will be a bit slower due to her gown and her heels. And here’s the best part. There is no correct or wrong speed. Not too fast and not too slow will do, and the cool thing is once you reach the stage, either the musicians will fade off (they will do it automatically), or the music will fade off (give the brother controlling the sound clear instructions on this), so you’ll never have to worry about reaching the stage too early.
Let’s discuss the opposite situation. Could you reach the stage too late? If you are planning to reach the stage really, really late, do talk it out with your musicians so that they can plan the march in duration. Its crucial! I once did this performance where i was beatboxing to a lion dance. i thought the lion was going to come straight to the stage but no….. the lion went round…. and round…. and round the tables…. and i had to squeeze my brain juice to keep extending the set. Poor me. Poor Lion as well.
Pro Tip 2: “When exactly do I cut that cake”
This is a question that has plagued couples for centuries, all the way back to the Middle Ages. Nah, I just made that up. But its true that most couples do get quite confused as to when to cut it as so much is going on. How come something so simple actually be confusing? Here is why. The Emcee is talking, the Photographer is telling you to smile, the Banquet Manager is directing you to the side, and your mind has already gone completely blank and all you’re doing is just smiling blankly, with a bead of sweat rolling down your face. Help!!! I kid you not, I’ve seem multiple couples make mistakes here due to an entire flurry of instructions.
Here’s a Pro Tip. The cutting of the wedding cake is merely a symbolic moment, and you should be getting your cue from the photographer as he needs to capture that moment. For myself when I’m emceeing, I double insure it by also giving a clear cue into the mic when to cut it, but some Emcees don’t do that, and in that situation where they don’t, the Photographer’s cue will save you. Some Banquet Managers who are on the ball will give you that cue too, so do pay close attention to them!
Pro Tip 3: “Ok, so I’ve managed to makan a bit after the cake cutting, changed up already, and its time for my second March In. Can I choose the same song as the First March In?“
This is a tough one to answer. While I would recommend “no” to this, who knows, maybe doing the song twice might carry a symbolic meaning to you? Maybe the second version is more upbeat and you are going to dance to this? There are some possibilities where this might work. But if its exactly the same version with no reason or meaning behind it, the general audience may not get it and it may appear to them like a lazy attempt in planning the songs. Do discuss with your band on this.
Pro Tip 4: “The Emcee won’t stop talking. can I pop the champagne now pleaseeeeee.”
Begin to pop it while the Emcee is talking. The dynamics for this are a little similar to the Cake Cutting. The Emcee is talking to help you to stall time because most couples struggle with opening a champagne bottle especially if its their first time. Don’t worry about interrupting the Emcee’s words with your pop, because the moment you pop it, the Emcee will just stop whatever he is saying to congratulate you.
Pro Tip 5: “How do I open my Champagne bottle like a pro?”
Ah! I’m so glad you asked, because I actually went to buy a bottle of champagne to figure this out… for… erm…. research purposes.
Don’t shake it. I know you miss watching F1, but no need to go all Lewis Hamilton on the bottle. It looks great on camera but will be an absolute disaster live.
Remove the outer aluminium foil and untwist the wire grill.
One hand on cork. The other hand holding the bottom of the bottle.
The key here is to twist the bottom of the bottle, and not the cork.
Make sure that the hand holding the bottle cork is supporting it a little so that you can choose when its going to fly out.
Resist the urge to aim at pesky in-laws. Fire!!!!
Now walk off into the sunset with explosions in slow motion.
Pro Tip 6: “How fast should I pour the Champagne into the Champagne Tower?”
Pour as fast as possible (without spilling, of course) to avoid a long awkward silence. However, Myself and Ferlyn as worked through this part already and you won’t be having an awkward silence here even if you pour slowly. If its us, Take. Your. Time.
But if you pour way too slowly on purpose, the worst that would happen is, I will start doing cricket sounds. Nah, just kidding.
Pro Tip 7: “Alright, I’ve done the Nuptial Toast. Its time for Yum Seng. Wa… how come everyone is so paiseh to come up ah……”
A great trick is to let them know before hand that you would like them to come up. Singaporeans are like that. We have been conditioned since our school and army days that the first to chiong will confirm get into trouble. This is some innate wiring that will be hard to unwire, lol. So telling them beforehand, will at least help to pre-empt them mentally, trust me. Don’t worry, the Emcee will be working hand in hand with you to get them up on stage.
Pro Tip 8: “Ok Its Speech Time. Help!”
Who goes first? So far, we’ve seen 50-50 of bride or groom first, so it actually doesn't matter.
During your speech, do talk about sweet and funny moments of the people that you would like to acknowledge.
I’ve seen many weddings where the audience just gives the couple no face at all and just chats loudly as if the couple isn’t giving a speech. You might be worried of this happening. To reduce the chances of this happening, do speak loudly, with energy, and direct your speech to individual groups of people, especially the potential ones who will just ignore your speech and speak loudly. Gesture. Step out of your podium if you have to.
I've seen tonnes of guys, in the flurry and the rush of all the preparations, who forget to acknowledge their wife in their speech. The wife usually responds with a clever and witty counter attack during her speech, calling him out that he had forgotten to thank her. It always results in roaring laughter from the crowd. Please do not be that guy.
Pro-est Tip. Your wife may cry during her speech. While the hotel staff are scrambling to get her a tissue paper, this is when you coolly whip out your tissue packet from your back pocket as pass it to her, ever ready like her knight in shining armor, as if you have seen and prepared for this moment. I don’t get it, but the ladies love that.
After that, its just photography and greeting them at the door. And then you are done! Give yourself a pat on the back. You have just completed one of the longest days of your life. (Unless you’re in the events line, which to you, a wedding banquet would be super easy compared to your other events.)
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